Emotional Support

My New Blog: Support site for the divorced and single parents

Posted by admin 16 February, 2010 (1) Comment
separation
Dear Friends and Readers,
 
I have recently started a blogsite to those who are divorced and single parents.
 
Strangely, the site was initially meant for the married people who face struggles in their relationship.
 
However, a few friends told me that there are already many such sites locally and ask me to instead  start something for those who are divorced and separated.
 
For those who are recently divorced,  the journey can be  traumatic and lonely. Some may face suicidal tendencies too as it is a very emotional event.
Last year, I  have the chance to walk through the divorce journey with three friends who happened to divorce within a three-month period of one another.  One was married for five years, another for 9 years and the last the longest for well over 20 years. Two of them seemed happier after the divorce except for the third one who looked lost and desolate. Two of them have children. One wonders if the divorce will come earlier if there are no children in the equation. I know many couples hang on precariously to the marriage for the sake of the children. Once they have grown up, they will seek for a dissolution to their marriage.
Strangely, out of the three divorced couples, only one wanted a maintenance of $280 for the primary one son. The other two women did not ask for any maintenance .  Further enquiries reviewed that all three women are gamefully employed and seemed to do better economically than the men.  Of the three men, two are jobless by virtue of their physical ailment: both are considered disabled. One contracted stroke few years ago and another was wheel-bound at least ten years ago becuase of an accident before his marriage. Two members of the three couples also have relationship outside of the marriage before the divorce ensuring that the issue is irreversible. It seems that couples do not take divorce lightly and may even try to through the fragile relationship for a long while before finally throwing in the towel. Sadly, none of the three couples I know have the chance to sit through proper marital counselling  when they encountered problems in their marriages.
 
Many who divorced I knew also lost the will to live when their families break up. They also often lose their homes and have to move back to live with their parents or worse rent a small HDB room on their own. Men seem to take divorce badly here as often the children are taken away from them to be in custody with the ex-wives. They also lose a sense of social anchoring that a family brings to a man’s life.
 
The new site will as usual contain articles to the divorced and there will be an online counselling avenue for those who need it. I think they need all the help that they can get. So far, only HELP (Help Every Lone Parent) FSC located in Ang Mo Kio is specialised in helping thsoe who are divorced. However, their services are more geared towards helping the single parents. They have counselling and group services as well.
 
We also hope that with more participation here, a group can be started for those who want to come out and meet one another caught in similar circumstances.
 
The blogsite is unaptly named www.steadymarriages.com.
 
Hope that you people will help me spread the word about this site so that we have readership as great as this transitiong site!
 
Lastly, I want to add that I am not advocating divorces here but sometimes things happen beyond our control.
 
There is still life after divorce for many out there. It does not have to be a life sentence.
 
Cheers.
 
Regds
Gilbert

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Wise Words (Lyved)

Posted by admin 10 February, 2010 (0) Comment

 

CNY

Don’t pursue perfection… pursue betterment

Perfection is boring. When we’re perfect what do we have to for? Instead of trying to be absolutely perfect, each day pursue being a little better than you were the day before.

Your biggest obstacle/battle is with yourself

The biggest walls that stand in the middle of your roads are created by you. The walls are built from your fears, self-doubt, and other factors.

This may seem like a negativity, but this is encouraging because once you realize this, it will help you jump over, go through, or tear down your walls.

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Is There Life After Divorce? (divorces.com)

Posted by admin 4 February, 2010 (1) Comment
Life after divorce – Get ready for a dramatic change
 

 You can’t begin to fathom the change that is taking place once you successfully complete your divorce.  Naturally, this is going to take some serious time to assimilate and you will think about all the times in the past with your spouse, both good and bad.  You will remember all that you had and all that you will no longer have.  You will stare into the abyss and wonder if it will eat you alive.  It is scary.  Admit it. We do and so should you.The last thing you want to do is sugarcoat the dramatic change you have just made.  In all likelihood you will effectively have been downsized.  So, will your spouse.  After all, a marriage is greater than the sum of its parts, but when you follow that formula in reverse you can see your lifestyle as you knew it, will have been more than halved, it will have been drawn and quartered (your attorney will be richer, not that it is a consolation).

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Poll Reveals Trauma of Joblessness in U.S. (New York Times)

Posted by admin 3 February, 2010 (0) Comment
December 15, 2009

Poll Reveals Trauma of Joblessness in U.S.

By MICHAEL LUO and MEGAN THEE-BRENAN

More than half of the nation’s unemployed workers have borrowed money from friends or relatives since losing their . An equal number have cut back on doctor visits or medical treatments because they are out of .

Almost half have suffered from depression or anxiety. About 4 in 10 parents have noticed behavioral changes in their children that they attribute to their difficulties in finding .

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7 Ways to change your life in the next 7 days (Lyved)

Posted by admin 31 January, 2010 (0) Comment

7 ways to change your life in the next 7 days

Life change may seem to take years to achieve but there are steps you can walk today and in the next week that perhaps can change your life forever.

Most are little steps, but when combined together they can create big and lasting change.

Here are 7 ways to change your life in the next 7 days.

1. Change your words and phrases

One of the most effective ways to change your life is to change your attitude and mindset. And the best way to change your attitude and mindset is to remove certain words and phrases from your vocabulary and to replace them with others that are more positive.

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My ST forum letter: Divorce is tough, don’t be afraid to seek help

Posted by admin 25 January, 2010 (0) Comment

depressed-guy

ST Forum

Home > ST Forum > Online Story

Jan 26, 2010

Divorce is tough, don’t be afraid to seek help

 RECENTLY, some friends divorced their partners after a few years of marriage.

Some have children and the adults often face lodging issues when they go their separate ways. Some will either stay with their ageing parents or rent a room on their own. As rent is expensive here, this can be a financial setback for many divorcees. Those who have children with them will find renting a hassle as it is not so convenient with other people in the same household.

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I found out my husband was having an affair (Asiaone 4 Jan)

Posted by admin 5 January, 2010 (0) Comment
affair
 
Mon, Jan 04, 2010

The Star/Asia News Network

EmailPrintDecrease text sizeIncrease text size
I found out my husband was having an affair
 
 Q: I AM in my early 40s, have been married for 15 years and have two teenagers. My husband runs his own business and I have a career. We share all the household expenses equally.

A year ago, I found out that he was having an affair. He confessed but blamed me for not having time for him and the family. We had a heart-to-heart talk and he promised to end it, and pleaded for forgiveness.

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All is not well with the family in S’pore (ST 4 Jan)

Posted by admin 3 January, 2010 (0) Comment

dad with daughter laughing

Jan 4, 2010

All is not well with the family in S’pore

Rise in number of wayward teens show parents need to give them more than cash

By Serene Goh

 FOR three days last week, The Straits Times ran articles on teen criminals. But for every story we write on arson, theft or even rape committed by teens, counsellors have dozens more that are even harder to hear.

These stories of heartbreak concern youths deemed ‘Beyond Parental Control’ (BPC).The label covers not only complaints lodged against youth under 16 who aren’t old enough to be juvenile offenders, but also describes the state of their caregivers, who have thrown up their hands in abject defeat.

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Marriage is good for the health (Channel News Asia)

Posted by admin 2 January, 2010 (0) Comment

Marriage is good for the health
Posted: 15 December 2009 1149 hrs happy family jogging local

  happy family
 
         

 

   
 

 WELLINGTON : Despite the barbs of comedians and the spectacular bust   ups documented in the gossip magazines, marriage really is good for you, international research has found.

A study of nearly 34,500 people in 15 countries found married people are less likely to suffer from depression, anxiety and substance abuse, clinical psychologist Kate Scott of New Zealand’s University of Otago said Tuesday.

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Errant parenting helps breed teenage crime (ST 29 Dec)

Posted by admin 29 December, 2009 (0) Comment

children happy faces

Dec 29, 2009

TEEN CRIME: A TICKING TIME BOMB

Errant parenting helps breed teenage crime

Counsellors say most teen offenders come from homes without parental guidance

HERE is how to raise a teen criminal:

 Do not care about the child’s life.  

Do not communicate with him.

 Regularly abuse him physically and emotionally.

And, oh, for good measure, make sure he’s watching when you yourself are engaged in vices like gambling and smoking.

Counsellors say parents who do not put in the time can expect a crime – that of their children.

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Ebook Request By Reader

Posted by admin 28 December, 2009 (0) Comment
book cover front2
Dear Mr, Gilbert,
I have been unemployed for a long time, surviving on menial just to barely get by. I stumbled across your web site by faith when I was reading up on Faith The Dog.
 
If you could e-mail me your book it would be awesome since it stinks to be perpetually broke.
  
God Bless you today and always, and Happy Holidays.
 
Albert Poledri
————————————————————————————————————-
 
Gilbert: The ebook was emailed free of charge to Albert. We have so far emailed close to 50 ebooks to our loyal readers since it was available online wef  September. Readers who want the free ebook can email me at gilbert@transitioning.org. Thanks.

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Youtube Video: “From Service Dog To SURFice Dog” (Reader’s mail)

Posted by admin 27 December, 2009 (0) Comment

Hi Gilbert,

Have you seen the video “from service dog to SURFice dog” yet??  Inspirational for everyone!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGODurRfVv4

 It went viral a couple weeks ago, and is getting closer to a million views now, as it increases by the thousands daily!  The feedback we’re getting is… it’s inspirational, heartwarming, it’s a tear jerker, have your kleenex ready, touching.  It seems each person finds an individual message in it, and it touches them on many different levels. 

 Due to this reaction, we’d like to continue creating awareness, and inspire more people.  So, please forward it, pass it on, post it, tweet, it, etc with anyone who could use a little inspiration.

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The Lonesome City Blues – Unemployment (New York Times)

Posted by admin 23 December, 2009 (0) Comment

jobloss-afp2

The Lonesome City Blues

February 2, 2009 in Uncategorized by admin | 44 comments

The ranks of the unemployed now total 12.5 million people. One of them is Al Martinez, who was recently laid off in January from his job as a columnist for The Los Angeles Times. In a recent post on his personal blog, Mr. Martinez describes the “intense feelings of rejection” that accompany sudden unemployment:-

   A friend who lost his job in a newspaper washout some time ago said it made him feel alone and isolated in the city.

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The Power of Atttitude (Mac Anderson)

Posted by admin 22 December, 2009 (0) Comment

An Excerpt from
The Power of Attitude
by Mac Anderson

I grew up in Trenton, a west Tennessee town of five thousand people. I have wonderful memories of those first eighteen years, and many people in Trenton influenced my life in very positive ways. My football coach, Walter Kilzer, taught me the importance of hard , discipline, and believing in myself. My history teacher, Fred Culp, is still the funniest person I’ve ever met. He taught me that a sense of humor, and especially laughing at yourself, can be one of life’s greatest blessings.

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Out of work, and loving it (ST 21 Dec)

Posted by admin 21 December, 2009 (0) Comment

Dec 21, 2009

working life

Out of , and loving it

Some laid-off Wall St workers find it liberating to get out of the rat race

JUST PART OF THE BUSINESS

‘To get laid off may just be integrated into a narrative of profit and that they have dealt with day in and day out on Wall Street.’

Dr Caitlin Zaloom, a professor at New York University

 

NEW YORK: -Twelve months without a job. Fourteen months.

Eighteen.

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