Support Site for The Unemployed & Underemployed
Monday July 23rd 2018

Ten lessons for my 24-year-old daughter I wish someone will tell me earlier instead

My dear darling daughter Joycelyn,

There are ten lessons I want to impart to you – which I wish someone will  have taken the time to impart to me instead when I was young:-

1. Don’t be too bothered by the opinion of others

Often as conformist Asians, we tend to value the opinion of others sometimes to the detriment of our own goal and dream – stick to your own ambition if you have to and ignore the noise around you.

The Asian culture has a very conformist twig to it and we feel bad if we go against our parent’s wishes frustrating many of our growth-up children in the process. How many of us have became someone else whom our parents want us to be and not the person we always aspire to be…

Its our own journey to walk and no one should tell us what to do – they won’t be there to share our joy and pain anyway so their opinion should not figure too much or else we will be living someone’s else life.

So my dear darling daughter, go after your own dream and don’t even let me deter you from pursuing it!

2. Hard work usually pays off in the end

There is no magical short cut to achieving your dream and hard work figures in most of our successes.

It will be tough to do that especially when the chips are down and failures seem to litter along most of our journey.

The key is to keep chipping away and go after the smaller successes until something big comes along.

The break usually comes around the corner unexpectedly when we are still working towards our goal despite the odds and for all we know we may probably have miss it if we have given up midway.

So my dear darling daughter keeps going after your dream and don’t let failures and upsets affect your desire – those who have made it in life tend to keep chipping after their goal when many have long given up.

And that extra edge at chipping away when many have long given up probably separates the winners from the losers…

3. Learn to take more risks along the way

I have often told you my darling daughter to take more risks in your life as I have detect that you are rather risk-averse like me in my younger days.

Looking back, I wish I have taken more risks with my life so that it will be more colourful and eventful but that’s already the past…and there is no use crying over split milk.

Having say that, the human brain is engineered to protect us from risks so as to preserve our life so you will definitely feel alot of discomfort when you go into a rare risk-taking mode. It may thus take alot of effort to take some calculated risk in your life as it will sure frighten the hell out of you.

Nevertheless, the only way to progress in our short life is to take small calculated risks as staying put in our own world of comfort zone is a sure way to stagnant and perhaps even rot away quietly. Its a comfortable personal world whereby many will seek shelter in but in order to be a goal-achiever its no way to live our life.

So take small simple steps of risk along the way and hopefully one day you will be daring enough to take a big leap towards ultimate success with your life!

4. Have more self-belief in yourself

As with most Asians, we tend to lack self-belief in many things that we do and perhaps this has got to do with too much parenting talk-down which I myself may even have contribute to!

So my darling daughter, if possible, try to free yourself of the self-unbelief that limit many of us from achieving great things with our life.

I don’t really know the process of unlocking ourselves out of the self-doubt but having small tiny successes with our life sure helps alot.

So plan out the things that you want to achieve with some small calculated efforts so that the big one will come when you are ready for a gigantic qantum leap.

Sometimes, we are too ambitious to gun for the big step initially when we are not too ready causing us to fall backwards in the process so small little steps of success are definitely the way to go so that our self-belief will get positive doses of boost along the way.

Remember that life is a journey and often the positive result will come sooner than later if we have more belief in what we can do. Remember also the power of ONE…

5. Life is short and treasure what we have

As you know by now, life is short and people die so I guess you know that we don’t live forever. Moreover, the recent death of your grandmother and break-up of our family must have taught you to treasure what you have currently as people die and good times don’t last forever.

So live life, my darling daughter, to the best of your ability and don’t waste the youth you currently have – trust me, you will regret like me as I have wasted many youthful years away when I was younger trapped in my own self-unbelief and inertia.

So live life as if today is your last knowing that the good times may not last forever and we will perish one day – that by itself should be your motivation to have a goal and dream for your self so that you can live purposefully.

6. Have a goal for your life

It disturbs me that I find many people of your age, my darling daughter, without a goal and purpose in life. Many simply while away their life in pubs and short-term enjoyment oblivious to the fact that they are wasting the best years of their life.

Some may wake up one day when they face a personal calamity in their life like the death of a loved one or stricken by a dreaded disease like cancer or heart attack.

But do we want to only wake up when we face a personal crisis in our life when we can simply map out what we want to do for ourselves when we are healthy and sober?

Life has a way of jostling us up suddenly from our inertia/comfort zone and like many I guess I belong to that category as well.

After the divorce, I went through a year-long personal search for  life’s mission and once settled on what I want to do with my own life, I tried to make the best out of it.

Its not easy but I tried not to falter too much from what I have set out to do and after mildly adjusting my course along the way, I have achieved some small successes.

So have a great goal my darling daughter and dare to pursue it with all your whole life if possible as at the end of our journey we can only speak of the exploits we dare to our own children and grandchildren and that here are not many regrets that we have not pursue.

7. Belief in people

You will soon find out, my darling daughter, that people will either fail you or they will push you on to greater height. Like it or not, we need people around us and the only way to find out if they are good or bad people is to be with them long enough! People often will show their true colours after a long period of association and we should be tough enough to move on with our own life after some have drop out of our’s for good riddance.

In fact, when we grow older, there won’t be many remaining friends around us and those who stay on after many decades of friendship are often the ones that may last a life-time…

The greatest challenge to our own journey is people and some day you will know that those who will hurt the most are often the closest to us…

It’s life greatest paradox and I have seen many friends damaged after being betrayed by their closest partner and companion – that’s probably explains why I remain single after breaking up with your own mum for close to seven years.

There are of course relationships along the way but nothing that suggests a life-long one of shared dreams and passion – that may not happen at all anyway!

So do mix around and have friends along the way but those whom you can share your dreams and secrets with should not be more than the palm of your hand.

In addition, to go far you need to go alone sometimes as no one may want to venture together with you due to various reasons but to go deep you have to do it with other people – that’s what I learn from my own journey as well.

But if you are in the pioneering field as I am, there will be long period of solo journeying before people appreciate your exploits and come in to join you.

Two or more sometimes can be easier…

8. Dare to fail and fail big

This will be very key to many of our own personal successes, my darling daughter, as many of the stuff we set out to do have no guarantee of success at all and there is in fact a higher chance of failure in many of our endeavours than successes!

Success has no proven formula and many people only achieved success after experiencing much failure along the way. So if you want a fulfilling life, dare to fail and fail big!

Many of my own personal accomplishments came about after a series of failures and of course the ability to make a come-back after each successive failure is crucial as well

Its so much easier to carry on after each success due to the positive feel-good euphoria but after a series of failures, one needs almost super-human effort to try our hand again at another half-hearted attempt which may eventually end in another failure.

The ability to garner courage for yet another attempt after a crushing failure is what separates us from the wannabes and that is why often those who succeed will go on to achieve greater success as they have finally understood the meaning of the slogan dare-to-fail in their life.

In a express result-oriented society like ours, many people tend to give up after failing their hand at something as they want instant gratification after each attempt and many times this won’t happen especially if it is something that is unprecedented and untested.

So my darling daughter, dare to fail and try to fail big so you will get used to the psyche of failure and that it will not deter you from going after your dream.

9. Take time out to be by yourself

In a busy world like ours and constantly bombarded by ideas from the free social media, it is wise to take some time out to be by ourselves.

The world wants us to be conformed to their standard and norm and it takes a strong person to shut this propaganda mess out of our life.

So, my darling daughter, takes some regular time-out by yourself so you can know what that makes you tick is still there and not influenced by the powerful explosive nature of the internet world.

It will take a strong person to stand by her own belief and passion and sometimes that is what we need to live our own life without any interference from anyone – not even her own father!

Take time out to be by yourself near to the vast nature you have in Australia and learn to listen to your own inner voice than to the dogma of many voices in the media.

10. Discipline – key to many successes

I will leave my last exhortation – discipline – to be the main key to any exploit you may have in your own journey.

So, my darling daughter, if you want to cultivate any life’s habit – try to attain discipline for yourself so that you may achieve some degree of success for your own goal as this is a very important element for success.

In fact, without any discipline, any worthy goal we set out for ourselves will be futile as our accompanying steps are shaky and unstable.

Discipline is thus the key to any success we aspire for ourselves and often it has to start from our own daily habits and lifestyle.

I was fortunate to achieve some degree of success at discipline by motivating myself to go for my regular exercise even though there are times that I am unwilling to go out and work out my tired body.

Thus, the ability to do something good even though we are unwilling will slowly build up our inner discipline and naturally it will spill over to other parts of our life ie working towards our goal and passion.

Life is hard and without discipline I dare say that one won’t be able to achieve much in life and will at best only lead a mediocre one – often missing out on one’s higher purpose and always under-achieving.

Your loving dad

Number of View: 39

Leave a Reply