Thanks for your prompt and heartfelt reply, I do appreciate it and your story.
I was just reading a self-improvement book earlier and it says happiness = ratio of Accomplishments : Expectations. I guess I had unrealistic expectations of life, my fiancee and our r/ship plus life in general from the start, its so heartbreaking to admit that to oneself.
I can write you another structured version of my tale in future if you wish.
You know, the suicidal thought has been in my mind for months and sometimes my HDB window looks like the perfect window out of all this situation but I guess i still have some rationality left to not go there.
Often, the rational mind says to stop complaining about life and take action to say something. however, the emotions don’t always match the positive thoughts and they seem to be getting the upperhand currently. I really do despise myself for being so negative and indulging in such defeatist attitude.
I really want to move on, its just _______. That’s right, its precisely the blanks that is preventing it, its a blank even to myself.
On a face-to-face meeting, I really do appreciate your offer but am not very comfortable in coming out of hiding behind the online veil yet. What would be the agenda you have in mind?
I’m actually sick of listening to myself complain so much and a meeting in person would probably remind myself of the past that I desperately want to erase. Sometimes, I do hope for a second chance to start afresh in life without all the expectations and opinions by others and myself. I’m in such a sorry state now I can’t even face myself. In other words, its not you I don’t wish to meet but my past.
By the way, I just saw this morning that your team includes a career counselling component, do you know of anyone that would be able to advise me on a career in starting out as graphic design/web design with no prior experience?
Your e-book : WOW!, you wrote that e-book yourself? It’s very well crafted and littered with gems of wisdom throughout, I’ll be sure to read it more in detail later. Like you suggested, I’ll probably also draft a daily schedule and print it out to remind myself of my procrastination and inaction (mostly wasted trying to not drown in negative emotions).
Lastly, I would like to commend on how noble I feel you and the volunteers are. Spending your precious commodity of life – Time ~ to listen to others’ complains and serve as lifebuoy. I could never imagine myself doing that for strangers.
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