I think I desperately need some counselling.
I have been getting recurring depression for the longest time. It’s really tiring.
By right, I should feel top of the world since my divorce has gone through and that ancillary matters are settled. In fact, the court ruled to my favour sole custody and 100% of the matrimonial house to me and I have sold my place finally.
The journey has been difficult with my ex giving me some problems along the way but I was able to handle all that.
On Monday, I suddenly broke down. I was not able to get off the bus to go to work.
For the past 3 months,everyday I psyche myself that I must go to work.
I worked as a student care teacher. The environment can be stressful taking care of the kids and coaching them in their homework even though its only for 6 hours of work.
Some of the children come from single parent families and they can be quite defiant.
I normally get mentally exhausted at the end of the day.
Although I miss my daughter when she is in school and I am at work, I feel guilty that I don’t have any energy left for her. I cant seem to lift up my mood for the past week.
Its like back to the depression period again.
I worry alot over how I am going to be able to take care of my lovely daughter when I keep slipping into depression.
I am on antidepressant, Fluoxetine 40mg for the past 6 months.
But recently, I don’t feel any effect of it liftng up my mood at all. I am sleepy and lethargic all the time.
I am thinking of seeing another pyschiatrist that my friend recommended to seek second opinion but its extremely costly.
I don’t know at the end of the day, will it help?
I know that as a Christian, I should not feel this way. I should trust the Lord to carry me through this ordeal but it is so tough.
I know there are people worst off than me and I should indeed count my blessings. I want to be able to do that. I really hate this depression feeling.
It has been torturing me for the longest time so please …. go away!
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