Just needed to talk to someone about it online – I’m in a very depressed state and overcoming suicide tendencies due to an unemployment situation.
You know, the suicidal thought has been in my mind for months and sometimes my HDB window looks like the perfect window out of all this situation but I guess I still have some rationality left to not go there.
Often, the rational mind says to stop complaining about life and take action to say something positive. however, the emotions don’t always match the positive thoughts and they seem to be getting the upperhand currently.
I really do despise myself for being so negative and indulging in such defeatist attitude.I really want to move on, its just ___________.
That’s right, its precisely the blank that is preventing me from stepping out of my depressive state – its a blank even to myself.
I am a late fresh grad thinking of an even later career switch from what I have studied.
I have already made many wrong choices in life previously and was in-and-out of unemployment for several months.
With optimism, I left my average paying corporate job a few months ago but I’m in a slump now.
My emotions are heavier with each day of unemployment till I felt pretty paralyzed to even do anything anymore, let alone go through the steep learning curve on acquiring skills for a career switch.
My fiancee used to be supportive but have recently confessed to me that she is very stressed about my choices and sometimes feel like leaving all this behind.
She thinks I’m being selfish for not getting a decent job to build our future together.
She doesn’t understand that Depression is as real to the individual as a slap to the face and thinks I’m just being fussy about lifestyle.
I felt betrayed that my last pillar (her) had abandoned me and thus dare not discuss with her about any dreams/unemployment anymore – we just pretend things are ok.
Like the others, I have isolated myself from all my friends due to the ‘ashamed’ factor.
I felt that I have failed my own expectations badly, my fiancee and everyone else around me as well.
Its so hard to breathe and even be alive these days.
I tried sending applications for general jobs first before acquiring necessary skills but there is not even an interview so far.
I feel that my life is crumbling and I keep reading positive books to stay afloat, but they don’t stay in my mind for long.
This dilemma is on top of other family problems that I am currently experiencing.
I feel so alone and paralyzed with frustration and sadness - I want to get out of it but the emotion is so heavy that its crushing me and causing me to waste more time drowning in sadness.
I’m in a negative downward spiral and sinking deeper with each passing moment.
I take a closer look at where I am now… its the worse horror movie I’ve ever watched.
By the way, comparing with people less fortunate only makes me even more depressed as I’m so ‘spoilt’ by not feeling happier for what I have.
The self-encouragement talk trick has worn out for me.
Thanks for reading, and can I hear your thoughts on this?
Thanks for your mail and sorry to hear about your predicament.
Unemployment can be destabilising and after 4-6 months it can be paralysing.
Its disappointing that your fiancee is feeling that way too instead of supporting you positively during this tough peiord but in this modern world, survival is paramount and I always feel that we are like back to the ancient time of hunting for food all over again.
Singapore is a no-welfare state so unless one works there is no food on the table.
This may have cause our people to be more stressed up than others living in welfare states like Australia or Europe.
My jobless friend in Sydney enjoys a unemployment welfare of A$505 a fortnight and it is enough to help him tide over the period that he is jobless.
I was also jobless for 18 months in 2002/02 and could feel your pain and frustration.
Like you, I was also suicidal and climbed up to the 10th floor during one desperate moment when the banks were chasing us to pay our mortgages.
I also could not sleep well at night and often woke up in cold sweat.
My wife was also like your fiancee – unsupportive and even critical of my jobless state.
Like you, I also avoided going to church due to the ashamed factor and tried to be by myself.
However, fortunately, I have many good friends and a supportive mum who held my hands alot during that tough period.
There are a few things I did later on which made the jobless journey easier to bear.
I drafted out a daily schedule and post it up on the wall of my study room.
This way, I knew that I am in control of my time and destiny.
In the morning, I looked for jobs on the internet and later had a light lunch before reading up in the afternoon to occupy my mind with motivational stuff.
I also took up jogging and did my half marathons for the past ten years without fail.
I felt that running provided me with alot of feel-good endorphines and of course took up at least two hours of my free time on a daily basis.
You see, I have alot of time to kill then and jogging took out a signficant portion of the evening time.
I began to network alot and later managed to convince a friend to help me get a part time job in the social service sector.
That was my first big step out of unemployment and also brought me into the desired social service.
I later took another giant step five years ago to form my own NGO – Transitioning.org – a support site which caters to the emotional needs of our PMEs.
We now have another support site for the divorced – steadymarriages.com.
In this modern world, networking is critical for job searching and our friends are willing to help only if we dared to ask.
I know that its tough to tell people that we are jobless but everyone will be jobless at some point in their life so most people are sympathetic to our plight.
I hope what I have shared have helped you in this tough journey of yours.
Trust me, you will feel much stronger after this episode as internally you are being stretched extensively.
There is no way you wont feel stronger later on…
I also like to catch up with you at my office if possible.
Do give me a date/time when you are available.
I have also attached my ebook How to survive unemployment for your reading pleasure.
Take care and stay positive.
We are here for you.
Thanks & Warmest Regards,