Dear Nr Gilbert,
I have went through a divorce recently, the final judgement has been laid and I need to pay my ex her and the child’s maintenance fee of $350.
I suffered from Anxiety Disorder and Depression since 23 years old.
I am also a low salaried worker and my income frequently hovers below the $1000 mark.
My friend recommends a catholic lawyer and he seems unable to defend my case well and even tend to support the stand of the lawyer from my ex-wife side!
When I was married, I thought that I would be married happily forever but then ……this is the outcome I got after marrying my ex….and in the end I have to go through the agony of paying regular maintenance fee when she filed for divorce.
I felt really very frustrated at times but yet I can’t do anything about it – there is a critical lack of voice here to represent the interests of our divorced men.
The women can simply file for divorce after marrying for a short while citing all sorts of excuses and after that the man has to cough up whatever amount the family court approves and it so difficult to try and bring it down later on.
Moreover, all this while, the mother has almost sole custody of the child and to me joint custody is just but a myth.
When I visited my child during visitation rights, he shuns away from me and my ex wife also gave me the cold shoulder.
It broke my hear to see my own child running away from me and to a father, this is the hardest part of the divorce ordeal
Nowadays, I dread to visit my child as its an awful experience to say the least.
I sometimes felt very hurt and in my mind I have this thought – why not just i finish myself off and then the troubles will be no more?
Moreover, I strongly felt that this is not the man’s fault but why does the Woman’s Charter keeps on pressing the man so hard on maintenance matter?
I may eventually end up in jail one day as I am already feeling the pressure of having to cough up a montly amount come rain or shine.
Its not that we don’t want to pay but we can’t pay as our salary is so miserable here.
I strongly felt that there must be some kind of law here to protect the interests of our men from being con by the wife.
Now, our woman knew that the Women’s Charter can help them make money …and why not divorce and re-marries so that she can make more money…..and no one can stop them.
I would suggest that a man’s organisation be set up to act as a voice for men who suffer injustices because of our bias Women’s Chapter here.
I hope that more can be done to protect the interests of our divorced men here as a divorce affects all parties involved.
No wonder, in today’s modern marriages, many families give up the idea of having a child – perhaps they are thinking of the adverse consequences of a divorce if it happens one day.
Thanks alot for listening.
Jeffrey
Editor’s Note: We have met up with the writer twice to go through his options and if you have a similar story to share, please email us at gilbert@transitioning.org. All mails will be kept confidential.
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In case you haven’t noticed, a child is a human being who requires food and lodging and these cost money. Without the law and the threat of a prison sentence, irresponsible fathers like you would probably not work as hard to earn money, spend the money elsewhere or expect others to pay for the child’s upkeep.
If you are a man, you should stop whinging about your “problems”, and do your part as a father. Your child has every right to hate a father who thinks $350 a month is too much to spend on him. Earning $1000 a month is pathetic and speaks lowly of your determination to keep your family. Even an uneducated foreign worker earns more than you through sheer hard work.
Well, your problem is not Woman Charter, your problem is earning power. Your government doesn’t give a sh..t that you can only make $1000, they are not concerned about worker bees. Their interest is capital owners, they feel they owe to take care them provide all kinds of incentives, import cheap labor by boat load, etc. Workers bees on other hand can be screwed with freely, the government just doesn’t give a hoot. They will fall over themselves trying to keep capital owners competitive but keeping workers competitive ? Forget it.
On $1000 it’s impossible to make living for a family, it’s no wonder your wife was unhappy and it ended up in divorce. Sure money is not everything but there is minimum level of comfort has to be provided and in Singapore that minimum level costs a lot. Single foreigners living by 12 in single room are your competition. You can imagine it’s a lot cheaper for them, their fixed costs is very low. You on other hand, are living with family and you can’t bring down your fixed costs to the level of foreigners, especially when you get additional mouths to feed like kids.
I SUPPORT man charter AS singaporean women take advantage of our man AND the women can flirt around and get money.POOR SINGAPOREANS SERVE NS but females dont serve SINGAPORE .all singaporeans must serve SAF or hospital for girls CHANGE THE SYSTEM
Why did the wife ask for divorce in the first place? Pls elaborate on that. Also, it is only right that the father pays child maintenance coz he is also responsible for the child
The person who earns more should pay more for child maintenance. It shouldn’t matter whether it is the father or mother. Both should have a shared responsibility to bring up the child since young.
If both of them earns very little, the marriage will most probably break down due to financial problems. It is a reality in life that marriage cannot last without enough money.
Hence, 2 poor singles should not marry in the first place. With a kid or even kids, the financial problems will worsen unless either one or both of the parents can increase his/ her earning power in the near future.
So, it is better to remain single if you feel that you cannot afford to feed a family. The govt should just focus on getting rich people to marry and not “force” all to get married just to increase birth rate. There will be many social problems too if many poor couples end in divorce.
One has to take into consideration jeffrey’s current state of health. He may have been healthy and happy at the peak of his life and career. Usually the change of circumstances does make women think the man is not worth ‘keeping’…sad but true.
However I do know many professional working women are in a position to look after their husbands when they fall ill. Either dependable on their savings or the woman is able to mantain the family and truly loves her man ’till death do us apart’
It time u be a man, starting a family is not a childplay.
Please spare a thought for your child,and give him a chance to grow up healthily. $350 is barely enough for childcare.
If u are not feeling well and cannot afford, u should not make the first step of having kids, and further more the next generation will inherit your mental illness too.
U should seek help to get well and get a job.