By now, the whole of Singapore would have known that Mr Yaw Shin Leong has been sacked by Workers’ Party CEC  triggering a by-election in Hougang SMC.

Squeaky-clean PAP MPs are  now trying to remain as white as snow and so far they are untattered with very little dirt coming from their corner.

However, a day before the general election in 2011, candidate Steve Tan was  released  from the Tampines GRC team and there were rumours that he was caught with a sexual harassment complaint from his staff at the work place.

PAP has no choice but to release him from the Tampines GRC team in case the complaint was leaked out to the public affecting the Tampines GRC team re-election chances during the 2011 general election.

As for Yaw, he  may have shot himself in the foot when he fooled around with a WP married member though this is still unsubstantiated. There were rumours that he has fooled around before with other women but this could not be confirmed.

This is also his second marriage and one wonders if the  re-marriage will fail too. It will take a very strong woman to forgive his husband in such a publicity-riled sex scandal that rocked the country.

Even Jack Neo’s sex scandal incident few years ago would not hold a close second to Yaw’s case.

Yaw’s sexual misadventure also  came on top of the sexual liaisons of  two high-ranking  civil servants – SCNF and CNB chiefs who  fooled around with a  sales executive of a IT company out on a government tender mission.  All three of them are married with the female culprit just giving birth  last year to a baby.

Only last week, we also witnessed how a school principal and some government servants were implicated in an online prostitution ring upsetting alot of  parents in the process. They were understandably worried how their children now view the teaching staff who is supposed to set a good example for them to emulate.

You also don’t want a school principal prowling around your young children – when his secondary business is bringing the flesh trade to paying customers.

Its difficult now to repaint the image of the teaching profession  – especially  when a few male school teachers were also caught sleeping with their young students recently. Most of the male teachers are also married.

Woemn tend to look up at male figures in authority in awe and those who are morally weak may succumb to sexual  temptations at the slightest urge.

After all these high-profiled sex scandals, one couldn’t help but pondered -  is our society that sex-starved now that many married people  has wandered into wonderlust?

When you are married, your sexual needs rightfully should be met by a spouse who is supposed to provide for all your physical needs.

When it isn’t happening, you start to regret giving your sole sexual rights to a person who sleeps next to you but doesn’t want to have regular physical contact with you.

This is especially so for men who may have a few sexual l partners before but have restricted themselves to one woman after marriage. When he is  single, the guy  can move from one partner to the next but couldn’t do so once he is married.

I have met a few men and women who are on the verge of divorce recently in my counselling work and in manycases, one of the partners  has strayed and even openly announced to the other spouse that they have a third party.

When I probed further, I realised that many of them have a poor sex life which probably explained why the other party seeked sexual release elsewhere even though it is not right.

In one classic case, the wife accuses her husband of not being able to satisfy her sexual needs. They are now separated and have one child.

Most partners however find it hard to forgive their spouses after the  illicit unfaithful discovery  and would likely file  for divorce.

The rare few who could forgive their straying spouses will likely do it for their kids than anything else.

Many also find it tough to have sex with their straying spouses again – further compounding the initial problem that the  reason why their partners stray is due to a lack of sex in their marriage life.

Of course, the guilty party is often the male partner but these days, females also strayed.

Many women also flirted around especially if they realised  that their husbands are sleeping with someone else outside.

They will have little hesitation if someone nice comes  along and woo them off their feet – with many seeking sexual vengeance in the process.

Most of this sexual tension occurred during a difficult period when there is a new birth and women are known to experience low sex drive after giving birth due to extreme hormonal changes within their bodies.

Our poor men have to either jog  off their sexual urge or do the natural guy thing…

For men, sex is like a basic need they crave whereas for  women its more like a luxury item.

Women can go on long period  without sex but for men its a slow tortuous process to eventual monkhood.

Moreover, many  couples made the fatal mistake of sleeping with their young children – on the same bed.

I remembered how my wife wanted my young daughter to sleep on the same bed - in between us when she complained that her own bedroom was dark and scary.

I objected profusely and managed to relegate my daughter to a mattress on the floor – right below our bed.

When I heard how many divorcing couples have this problem of their  kids sleeping on the same bed with them, I realised that this could be  common problem which can eventually break up a marriage.

There is no way that you can have sexual intercourse on the same bed without waking up your sleeping child next to you.

Perhaps, this is one main reason why many men strayed when their wives just gave birth – a low-sex-drive spouse coupled with a sleeping baby next to you are a double jeopardy for sex outside marriage.

One male friend I knew resorted to having regular  sex with his own live-in Indonesian maid and was caught red-handed one night by a suspicious heavily-pregnant wife. Fortunately, all was forgiven and life moved on for him.

They sacked the maid and  didn’t want another new one anymore.

Many men I knew slept with their maids and eventually they ended up like their sexual play toys at home.

Some men also find that their wives have gone out of shape after giving birth a few times and men, being more visually affected, find it tough to make love anymore with their unflattering wives.

Their once-attractive curvy wives have given way to thick thighs and heavy tummy.

Wives,  please look after your appearance and though we love you for the way you are – taking care of your good looks would help us alot.

Some wives also make the fatal mistake of allowing their husbands, who are away frequently overseas for work,  to have sex with prostitutes abroad so long they wear a condom – with some even packing a box for them in the lugguage!

I guess that these wives understand the natural sexual need of their husbands and so long they come home safely without any sexual diseases – they are fine with any  out-of-sight overseas  sexual arrangement.

However, such complacency may have given their husbands the signal to have a fling at any time – even in their own country.

However, the hectic work nature here also means that many of our women and men go back home exhausted and just want to rest for the next day.

The last thing they want is a engaging rumble in their soft bed  - especially for our high-powered corporate  women who hold exhaustive senior  positions at work.

I have heard of many couples having sex once or twice a month and some even do it for lesser frequency!

Some men have even accused their wives  of using them as sperm donors and after all the kids were borned, their sexual organs remained off-limit for long period – frustrating our men to no end.

They will want to have frequent sex before child birth and it can be thrice-a-day affair so that their chances of conception is higher.

Most normal couples however will   schedule  their sexual sessions on weekends giving our men a weekly sexual reprive but not all men are that  fortunate. Many endure long cold nights in enforced celibacy.

Some friends I knew seek sexual escapade from our hundreds of massage parlours which charged close to $100 for straight sex.

These sexual sessions became regular addiction and that’s when   their wives started to find  their husbands   highly suspicious as the hand in the dark doesn’t come out anymore to disturb them.

Wives have this sixth sense in them when they sense something wrong with their husbands.

Unfortunately, this sixth-sense thing isn’t very prevalent with husbands and many wives have enjoy third-party sexual liaisons behind their husbands’ back for many years before they are caught.

Moreover, in this modern society whereby women and men have to work  closely together in the office, there is this  temptation of being too emotionally and physically attached to one another – even though both parties are married.

I have worked in some corporations whereby work associates went out  with one another openly after work even though both of them are married.

Most of these ex-colleagues are known to have difficult marriages and their after-office connections were not surprising considering that they loathed  returning   to their unhappy homes.

There is no known statistics how many couples here broke up due to a third party or lack of sex but the figures must be flattering.

According to a Durex surey carried out in 2003, Singapore has one of the lowest sexual frequency - 96 times in a year.  Sweden (102) and Malaysia (100) trailed just behind us.

The average times people have sex is 127 times a year.

Eastern Europeans (Hungarians, Bulgarians, and Russians) are the most sexually active (150).

As Singaporeans ponder on the  implications of the various high-profiled sex scandals, we should not forget that sex in a marriage is very vital for marital enrichment.

I strongly believe that Singaporeans are lacking in their sex life here due to many personal  reasons.

Men may need to be more understanding of their wives’ physical bodily transformation – especially after they have given birth and women on the other hand need to know that most men have a strong sex drive which needs satisfying.

If a woman constantly refuses the sexual requests of their husbands, there will come a time when he simply gives up and quits asking.

Moreover, it is also not very nice if our men have to always beg for sex…for only once a month.

That is also unfortunately the time when he will start to look around for other  easier sexual connections and stray away…

Written by: Gilbert Goh

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