I am really glad to see your blog.
I m a divorcee with 2 kids. I initiated the divorce and many others felt that I deserved what I experienced now. Even my siblings won’t talk to me now. My husband was uninvolved in our relationship but he acted nice in front of friends and family. Once alone, he was not there for me – he was either on the computer or in the toilet. We were married for 14 years but we only had intimacy for less than 10 times as there were just ways to have babies. He did not touch me or kissed me – no hugs and no gifts. He left house at 7am and worked till 12 midnight daily. All house matters, kids and stuff were done on my own. We had 2 counselling period over the 14 years but the final conclusion was he could never change and I had to adjust my expectation.
I could no longer accept it anymore when he told me as a matter a fact that I could start an affair while we remained married. I filed for divorce as I was thinking of suicide but I realised I could just divorce instead.
During the divorcing period, a colleague 10 years younger and single, knew about it and pursued me. After a few months of rejecting him, I finally accepted him as he convinced me he could accept a divorcee with 2 kids as his sister was in the same situation. His family – especially his mom would accept me.
We were dating for 4 years, he had no luck to meet other girls as his office is filled with married older woman. Then just a few months ago, a pretty young single girl joined his company. In less than 2 months they started an affair without me knowing. I only knew when she started emailing him their photos together (I was helping him set up his email on ipad and saw the emails).
He told me that he freaked out – now that he has someone who in many ways is like me but younger, prettier and single. Now he can have a family and kids of his own. Then he told me his mother has also changed her mind and felt that her son should marry a young single girl who can care for him properly during old age. He can’t be with me anymore…
I was devastated. I tried to save the relationship, lost my dignity and became his 3rd party in his new relationship for 2 months. I just realised my stupidity and left him on 31 Dec 2011. I became his needs in convenience. I knew he kept me as I can help him in his career and he has progressed greatly, with my coaching and my work which he passed on as his, from a low ranking staff to an executive level.
I m a pretty confident woman with a marketing degree but has decided to stay home with the kids as I know they will have emotional issues due to the divorce. I totally lost my confidence. I don’t know what to do now.
Does this mean I have no hope to have someone special to grow old with? I have many good friends but I do not want to trouble them after a talk or two as they all have their own family issues to face. Today, I lost my mind and called my ex hubby and screamed at him for being an irresponsible husband and now an uncaring dad (kids go to his house once a week, but he does not spend holidays or extra days with them). And I can’t ask him to chip in on week days.
I have my own finances, I also receive enough maintenance from him. But I really feel very lonely and tired to care for 2 kids and have nothing much – I miss my career and interaction with others.
I felt stupid to believe that I could find someone to feel the void of a husband and father. Even worse, believing a 10-year younger guy could love me forever. I feel very old and hopeless now. I managed to pull myself up to do daily work like tending to the kids yet living rather aimlessly now.
I kept asking myself why he does that to me, sometimes I wish him well – at times I hope both of them will suffer…
I am very afraid to be alone for the rest of my life…