I found your website earlier on. I know you are not able to help, but anyway I’ll just write to you, hoping it will release some of my tensions.
Probably, I can start with what’s worrying me these few years.
I feel that my life is very miserable since I got married in 2004 – we always had issues with money. When we just got married, my husband and I have a low combined income – about $2.3k thereabout and we really struggled with our expenses.
Now, he has a better job with doubled income compared to the time when we just got married. I also have a new fulltime job but I couldn’t bring home my full pay because I have many unpaid and medical leave due to my medical condition.
Things are not going well even though our combined income is now more than what we used to earn. The money we earned is never enough to pay for all our bills and the accured debts just keep on piling up.
In 2006, my job was at stake. I was very stressed with both my personal life and job. Soon after, I started to be absent from work regularly – more from failing to deal with my depression than anything else.
I have regular attacks of headaches, migraines, sleepless nights, became hot tempered and very sensitive.
I have once overdosed myself with sleeping pills. My husband was quick to realise that I have taken an abnormal dosage of my sleeping pills and brought me to the hospital.
The police came to my ward and questioned me. I keep denying that I have suicidal thoughts.
I told them that I had a bad headache and I just couldn’t sleep.
The officers then took my statements and warned me not to repeat my intentions again (I knew they wont be taken in).
My parents soon came to know about the suicidal incident and they offered to help me and my husband after I explained to them out financial problem.
They then used their savings to lend us $10k to settle our debts and any outstanding bills.
However, things are still not good right now.
I feel that we have more debts than ever – like history is repeating itself.
It’s even worst now – I have to pay my parents monthly for the loan they lend us, plus the loan they lent us when we got married and that is about $16k for our house renovation.
Since my husband’s income has met the eligible requirement for bank loan and credit card, we apply for those credit facilities - in the hope to clear our outstanding bills and debts.
I feel that my life is all wasted on this money issue. I’m feeling so tired with my life right now…is there no light at the end of the tunnel for me?
Though I have a job. I seldom take back the full pay of about $1.3k monthly because I have many unpaid and medical leaves.
My regular unpaid leave also make my employer and colleagues have negative impression of me.
I have frequent headaches and fall ill too often.
I still have sleepless nights even if I take medication to help my insomia - that is part of the reason why I am always absent from work.
I am still not blessed with a child - this is also part of my worry.
Since 2010, my husband and I have went to KKH to seek for fertility treatment.
After all the tests, we were both declared medically normal.
I was on some hormone medicine to help me conceive, but still no baby – not being able to conceive is an added stress for me. I feel so abnormal.
I really dont know how to lead my life now.
I’m really feeling lost, even with my hubby around. I just dont know where to begin with and how.
The truth is, I harboured thoughts of suicide whenever I’m lonely.
I know that my husband is very stressed with our current situation and he is a lot stronger than i am.
I rather disappear from the lives of my loves ones, especially my parents.
As of today, our bills are really piling up again – the power supply company has given us termination letter, intending to cut off our supply in a week’s time if we still don’t pay up our outstanding bills.
I called them to ask if I can extend the payment and whether we can just pay partially.
They say that they can only extend 5 more days and we will need to at least settle half of the outstanding bill.
The banks have also given their final reminders, telling us to pay all the outstanding amount or they will terminate our account which will result in having to settle the full amount.
Every month is hell for me. I can never find a way to settle these issues.
Thank you for listening.
This is the first time I share my problems and worries with a stranger.
I’m not sure if there will be anyone who will be reading this but thanks anyway.
Financial woes is one of the main issue that causes many people to have emotional and marital distress in Singapore.
I have received many letters similar to yours – so rest assured that you are not alone.
Frankly, in inflation-high Singapore, our low starting pay has caused many people to spiral into financial troubles easily if we don’t manage our finances well.
I have been through your situation before when I was jobless in 2001 and went into extreme depression (suicidal too) for many months. Its a miracle that I have survived that episode.
I couldn’t sleep well and for many months went through life without much meaning. I finally found a job in 2002 paying me $1500 a month working in the social service sector and things became better after that.
Of course, I have moved on after that with other better paying jobs as I can’t even survive on $1500 on my own let alone taking care of my family.
However, I always felt that in any adversity it will cause one to be stronger – the problem is you need to go through it and that can be very painful.
Whenever I go through any troubles nowadays, I always try to find a meaning behind my suffering.
What can I learn out of it? If I just quit, I wouldn’t have learn much from the adversity.
I have also used my jobless episode to start a support organisation helping many hundreds of jobless people in the process.
My life example plus my ability to empathsize with how the jobless people felt have allowed me to bless many people in the process.
It also felt good helping people and I regained the meaning of my existence again!
Unfortunately, to be stronger, we need to go through much adversity in life or else we are always in the same safe mode. Life is like a standstill without us growing at all.
I know that sometimes the situation does overwhelmed us. It looks like we are being swarm by life’s adversities and there is no reprieve.
One good way to come out of your situation is to have a good chat with your hubby – man normally is mentally stronger and are more able to handle situations.
Share with him how you feel – your fears, weaknesses and depression.
Work out a proper detailed plan on how you are going to settle the debts – down to the very cent.
Women by nature are more insecure and when they have financial worry they tend to lose control of their life. Its normal and you don’t have to feel too bad about it…
Another good way out is to refocus how you think.
I believe that you are always thinking of the negative stuff and that is causing you alot of headache.
Do you read?
Do get a good positive-thinking book and immerse yourself in it.
Reading a good positive-thinking book helps me alot to focus on the goodness in life. Try it…
Whenever you feel like engrossing yourself into negative thoughts, deliberately snap yourself out of it and try to focus on the positive. Think of the good times you have with your husband or parents…it can be done easily.
You could also deliberately replace negative thoughts with positive ones by memorising positive phrases. I did that when I was jobless in 2001 and it has helped me through many sleepless nights.
I also read positive phrases online and watch positive youtube videos to psyche myself up.
Exercising also helps alot when one is in depression.
When one is in motion, the body releases feel-good endorphines making one feels light-hearted all over again.
You can do it twice or thrice a week depending on your schedule. The physical discipline has helped me alot through many of my life’s difficult phases.
Lastly, I want to assign a counsellor for you – its free of charge and I think by talking to someone neutral you can be more free to express yourself.
Let me know if this is ok with you.
All this shall pass – dont give up!
We are here for you.
Thanks & Warmest Regards,