My name is Allen and I am 24 years young this year. I am currently working as a service engineer and studying part time at SIM but am leaving my work end of this month. The reason for doing so is that I have been very unhappy at work for the past one year that I’ am here due to work stress contributed mostly from unclear instructions from management to communication problems with co workers from others part of Asia.
Well, this might seem pretty normal in Singapore you may say, but it had affected me so much that I have lost my girlfriend whom I love very much. Let me explain this further.
I started dating my ex about slightly after I started working with my current company. Everything was going well between us and everyday felt like a fairytale (weird coming out from a guy). But as the work stress piled up, mood fluctuated badly and as I also started my night classes - I became easily irritable. I did not vent any of my anger from work at her but I guess somehow you cannot hide your mood. The worst part is, when a person is easily irritable, tolerance level drops and I got upset over small things that crept in between us.
Now, I think the way I reacted to these irritations was not that bad. I always felt that talking about issues openly can solve problems. But somehow, because of her culture or the way she was brought up, she thinks differently. We argued more than we can settle issues…
Anyways, things got pretty serious and we actually made plans to settle down, apply for HDB flat.. etc. I am sure it wasn’t one sided, though I was the one to make suggestion to settle down and she agreed without hesitation. Later, things got messy and we went our separate ways. She is dating someone else soon after the breakup and I couldn’t get over my loss. As unhealthy as this might sound, I try to hate her as much as I can so as to help me cope with my loss better – but it isn’t working and I missed her dearly…
I’m leaving my job soon and my semester is coming to an end, I was thinking of deferring one term of my studies and apply for a Work Holiday Visa to New Zealand and just take a few months off from Singapore – hopefully to gain some life experience and also take a break from all this sadness .
Many people I talked to said that I am being impulsive and some said that I am just escaping. I told them that I just want to try something out of my comfort zone. At the end of the day, I’m just feeling really lost now I guess…
Really wish to hear your input about this.
Thanks for your mail and sorry to hear about your predicament.
Its true that the work stress here can sometimes be overwhelming.
Employers here can be unreasonable and the lack of proper labour legislation has led to many employers exploiting the work environment here.
Its so important to learn to destress effectively in Singapore so that you can manage your stress well.
You can either exercise to destress or talk to someone so that there is a channel to vent out your frustration.ing.
Try to speak with your immediate supervisor if the work load becomes overwhelming. Most supervisors are concerned if their stuff has to work over time to finish up their work.
Keeping things to yourself wont help one bit - learn to speak with someone.
I am also sorry to hear about your failed realtionship with your ex due to work pressure.
I am unsure how the work holiday visa in New Zealand can help you turn around but if its for a short break, I guess its ok then.
Its always good to go off for a while to cool things down and learn about another culture.
Meanwhile, I sought your permission to post your mail on my site.
I will leave out your name and sensitive info to protect your privacy.
Let me know if you need to speak with one of our volunteer counsellor.
This is a free service to local Singaporeans.
Stay strong always!
Thanks & Warmest Regards,
Thank you for your reply.
The fact is, I am a very verbal person who is not afraid to voice out my opinion. I have suggested many ways to improve our operation but management wouldnt listen and they feel that as someone who is beneath them, it is best for us to keep mum. I guess thats the culture with Japanese companies. I’ve tried until one day, I stopped trying and became very unmotivated to work.
I used to be very active with sports. I did waterpolo competitively, before that i used to compete in national junior bodybuilding competition, did street skating and also rugby leisurely. But I became alot less active after I got in a relationship. I think it can be frustrating for someone who was so active to stop being active huh? Hahaha..
Right now, I am still unable to really start being active again and I turn to alcohol to relieve my stress. I think the upside to this is I only drink wine so I know I’m getting alot of anti oxidant in my system!
Anyhow, I am definitely fine with you posting my mail on your site. If my predicament can help other people in similar situation see or realise that it is a problem that might come and bite them in their ass in the very near future, I am all for it.
Again, I wish to thank you very much for replying, it made me feel better.