Support Site for The Unemployed & Underemployed
Thursday January 24th 2019

Helping the one I love through unemployment

Hi Gilbert

I was sourcing through the web¬†for ¬†tips on how to help my boyfriend who is currently unemployed for about a few months already. I chanced upon your website and I’d like to express my appreciation for your efforts. I supposed it stems from your own personal raw experiences that you have gone through. Thanks for helping others caught in similar circumstances.

Honestly, I‚Äôm not sure how to help my boyfriend. As much as I tell him I’ll be there for him, I don’t know if I’m doing enough. I can‚Äôt meet him as often due to my busy work nature, but we’re apart, he’s quite affected with his jobless situation and I couldn’t do much to ease his stress.

¬†The problem now is that he doesn’t have any savings any more. He doesn’t ask me for money, but he keeps lamenting this other bill he has to pay recently. I actually had already paid for some of his previous bills, which to me is quite a big sum as I don‚Äôt earn much.¬† I’m having second thoughts about helping him on this other bill.

It’s not that I don’t want to help him, I just wish I can trust that he is at the very least find those part time jobs to help him through. His stress does affect me, and lately he has also been cold towards me. He said it’s due to stress and what the unemployment has done to him. In turn, I don’t know how to cheer him up or maybe what I did for him was not up to his expectations.

I supposed, support aren’t just meant for the unemployed, but also to the loved ones surrounding them. Hope you can enlighten me however possible.

Best Regards

 Sara (not her real name)

******************

Hi Sara,
 
Thanks for your mail.
 
Its true that unemployment will  affect  loved ones  who are close to the unemployed person.
 
Imagine if you are married to him and you will know the stress involved.
 
As we don’t have a proper social safety net, the unemployed often have to cope alone with no income coming in.
 
Thats why the jobless often resort to borrowing from friends and relatives in order to survive. I have done that during the 18-month period when  I was jobless.
 
It was not a pleasant experience even though my friends were very willing to help out.
 
Some have even resorted to crime to make ends meet. The worst affected ones may even take their own lives.
 
I believed that you love your boyfriend and¬† you sincerely want to help him out – thats really very noble of you. Sometimes just by being there is enough for him – you don’t really have to do much. The moral support that you show him now speaks volume of your commitment¬†to ¬†him. Unfortunately, many couples and even marriages break up as the main breadwinner goes out of work. The financial stress is real and some family members may not be able to handle the pressure.
 
Your boyfriend ¬†truly needs someone who can understand and believe in him. If not, he may wallow in self pity which doesn’t help in job searching.
 
Most of the jobless I know have very low self esteem and some even stay at home for fear of meeting friends or neighbours who will ask about their employment situation.
 
I would suggest having an open chat with him about his current situation. Tell him that you will stand by him regardless of his current situation and do not push him into looking for work too much.  Verbally affirm his strengths and build up his confidence in himself. Sometimes, when we talk things out, you be surprised how open he is to your suggestion and help.
 
Financially, help him out to a level of your comfort. For example, you can suggest a loan system whereby once he starts working, he will have to repay you the loan. That way, he will also feel good about taking money from you as its a loan and not a handout anymore.
 
If you are able to walk through this tough journey together with him, I am sure that the love for one another will be strengthened.
 
Hope this has help you.
 
I ask for your permission to post this mail on my site so that people going through similar journey can be encouraged.
 
I will leave out your real name  and sensitive information to protect your identity.
 
I can also show you the draft first before posting.
 
Take care and all the best. Let me know if you need further assistance.
 
Regds
Gilbert
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One Response to “Helping the one I love through unemployment”

  1. Kevin Teo says:

    “…but he keeps lamenting this other bill he has to pay recently. I actually had already paid for some of his previous bills, which to me is quite a big sum ..”

    hmm… some big expenses if any, may have to go, like a car, or some membership club, etc that are costly to maintain in times of difficulty. It is best to let go earlier than at the last minute out of desparation, allowing your buyers to slash your asking prices to your knees !

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