Support Site for The Unemployed & Underemployed
Saturday January 26th 2019

Wife devastated after husband left the family for a year

Hello Gilbert,
 
I am a member of the Divorced Support Meetup group and got your contact from the postings there.  I have also visited your website and hope to get some advice from you.
 
My husband has  left the family home for a year now.  Prior to that, he has started to become very cold to me (out of the blue) to the extent of ignoring me  and that’s when we started the frequent quarrels.  I was very puzzled by his behaviourial  change and he was basically oblivious to the family matters for a long time. 

He claimed that he has decided to find freedom, think of his own interest first and do what he wants to do.  He was also using abusive languages in front of our children.  A month after he left in July 2009, my children and I spotted him with a woman.  Perhaps it was really God’s blessing that the the truth is  out.  He turned pale and claimed that it was just a friend.  Since Aug 2009, he has totally lost contact whatsoever  with me and our 3 children.

Not even a phone call or visit.  I did attempt to sms him but he ignored them totally.
 
Since he left, I have  single-handedly managed my household with 3 young children.  I have been contemplating divorce but didn’t have the heart to execute it.  We have  known each other for 25 years and married for 15 years.  I cannot imagine a once so family loving father/husband can turn to become so heartless. 

I would like to seek counselling advice on my possible options and rights. Thank you.
 
Regards,
Lily

*********************

Hi Lily,

 Thanks for your mail.

 Looks like your husband has absconded and left the family. Sorry for the bluntness.

 You can either file for a divorce citing desertion or continue to wait for him to return to the family.

 Do give yourself a time frame for waiting so that you can move on with your life if he doesn’t want to return to the family.

Many men leave the family for all sorts of reasons and some may return after a season when they find that they have missed their family (especially kids). Man in particular faces the turbulent period of mid life crisis and this has caused many families to break up.

 They suddenly feel that they want to take a break from the routine and do something  spectacular like going round the world or stay on their own for a while. Many unfortunately also may decide to forsake their family and live with another woman in their search for something different in their life.

¬†Don‚Äôt get me wrong ‚Äď I am not saying that it is right of men to leave their family when they are ¬†face with a mid life crisis. He should speak ¬†to you personally on the issues that he is facing and maybe seek help.

 Anyway, marriage and possibly reconciliation takes two hands to clap unfortunately and that’s also the hard facts of life you may have to face up to.

You have to decide¬† what’s best for yourself and your kids – I can’t really help you with that.

 You can of course claim for maintenance from him through the family court.

 Let me know if you need legal advice and I can connect you to a legal counsel.

 Hope this has helps you and let me know if you need to get in touch with one of our volunteer counsellor.

 Our services are free of charge.

 Take care and live on meaningfully.

 There is life after divorce.

 Regds,

Gilbert

 NB: We have linked Lily up with our volunteer counselor  РGilbert

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3 Responses to “Wife devastated after husband left the family for a year”

  1. pk says:

    Dear Lily/Gilbert,

    You are no different from a widow except you hope he will return to his good old-self and be the good old husband/father. The dead can never return!

    The difference is the widow had accepted the truth but you have not and is still filled with HOPEs.

    Gilbert rightly said the choice to stay or walk out of the marriage is yours.

    What you need is a clear minded decision and not an excuse nor someone else prompting that you should walkout.

    Conversely, will you accept him (and his return) after he is broke financially and emotionally. If the answer is YES, happy waiting…it might be an endless wait though!

  2. Alice says:

    U need to remain strong and emotionally strong for the children .. I know that it is hard now but it will get sweeter when the children grow up when you see the effort that you had put in & hardship you had gone through .. Stay strong!

  3. ben says:

    Hi recently my sis-in-law husband passed away where can seek/join to overcome depression.Pls advice.

    Tks

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