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Thursday January 24th 2019

The Pain of Parental Alienation

A second Singaporean adult¬† affected by Parental Alienation has spoken up. It breaks my heart to read about his plight….What kind of people and authorities would do such a thing to an innocent child?

How many more Singapore children must suffer this insanity of being deprived of their own parents under our existing system?

Our Family Law is a total disgrace to our nation.

“My aunt came home with a forlorn expression on her face. I wondered if it was due to her working late the night before. I ran into the kitchen to get her some water, and she gently tugged at my hand pulling me to her side and gesturing for me to sit on her lap. She asked me if I had completed my homework, and I politely replied her that¬† I had. I had to be polite. ¬†I was afterall living in their home for the past two months.

She then told me that she did not¬† work that day but had followed my mother to the Family Court. ¬†I was eight then not knowing or realizing what that meant. ¬†I childishly asked why my mother had not returned home with her. She replied that my mother had gone to have further discussion with the lawyer and that henceforth I will be staying with them. They were fantastic people, I loved them and was spoilt to the core by my cousins and aunt. However, ¬†I sorely missed my bedroom and my father’s voice, not to mention my neighbours and relatives who were frequent visitors in my father’s house.¬†This was after all not my family that I was staying with.

My aunt explained to me very vaguely that the courts had decided that I should only stay with my mother. ¬†They asked me very plainly in a room filled with solely prejudiced people ¬†if I wanted my uncaring, evil and cruel father who bullied my mother to see me. ¬†I was¬†eight ¬†then and without hesitation replied ‚ÄúNo‚ÄĚ.¬† At 33 years old ¬†now, I¬†see that as nothing more than ignorant adults bullying a young child into seeing things their way.

That is the last memory I had¬†of my father and ¬†I had grown accustomed to¬† not seeing¬†him ¬†with one sided information drummed into¬† my ears. ¬†I hated my father and no it was not because of what my aunt ¬†or mother had¬†poisoned me with. Rather, ¬†it was the utter and complete feeling of being abandoned by him. It was a horrible feeling – one that I could not readily shake out of throughout these years. My mother remarried shortly after and I started addressing my step dad as father,¬†much to¬†¬†my mother’s amusement. However, my stepdad could not really replace the empty void ¬†created by my missing¬† dad.

My mother was a loving human being and she was a kind soul. However, ¬†the rift and hate that resulted from the separation and the frequent egging on from the relatives¬†amplified ¬†the hatred one would normally expect from a bitter divorce. Mother never did say much about my dad¬† except for the fact that he had never cared¬† nor provided for us. My father was a drunk ¬†and there was much displeasure from my mother’s side when he insisted that she changed her religion to his side.¬† It didn’t help that¬†my father was always the spark that lit the flames of anger and verbal abuse. He was like the prodigal member of the family – a tag that carried on till he passed away.

My mother raised me to be a fine gentleman.¬† Nevertheless, ¬†the hatred towards my father never did die out – ¬†even after I had turned 21 and realized my mother’s relatives were wrong.¬† I was 25 and working well, studying towards my degree in Science. During this period, I have secretly met up¬†with my father¬†for ¬†a few times over the course of a few years. Sadly, the hatred and hurt never really went away. It was always the same thing, the same feeling I had during the Fall of 1986 when I was the only child in my school who won the Sports Day event but had only my Mother to celebrate with.

My father has since passed on this year and I did not get to speak to him nor bid him farewell. ¬†I no longer hate him ¬†but now sheer regret has filled that particular void. Why did I stop fighting for him and to forgive him? I do miss him you see…

I hope people  realize that  Parental Alienation has many faces.  I never saw the Judge, I never knew the exact state of affairs untill much later in my adult life. I was stripped of the Love a child so rightly deserves without even having any choices.

Parental Alienation is real and it is painful.¬†¬†Standing at the crossroads of my life where I will be a Father in the very near future makes me stop and think how it must have been for my Father who lost his only son……it must be traumatic for him as well.

Never stop fighting for your children, they depend on both the parents, they need both the parents, they should have both the parents.”

Best Regards,
David Silas King

Wee ChengAugust 6, 2010 at 4:12am Facebook
Number of View: 3230

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9 Responses to “The Pain of Parental Alienation”

  1. pk says:

    I know how you feel. Forgive all that you can when we/you are alive as a dead person can never accept any forgiveness; let alone feel it!

    When Law is applied coldly without sparing a thought for emotions, the result is pain; only human beings can feel! When will we learn that we are not just a digit in the populace but a living person?

    Anyway, move on…the scars will heal over time.

  2. Wee says:

    Thanks you David, your testimony is a real inspiration to the many of us alienated parents in Singapore still figting for our rights and our children’s rights to be together.

    Parental Alienation is a worldwide epidemic affecting millions of children and families everywhere. It is mental and emotional Child Abuse of the worst kind and it needs to be stopped.

  3. A cautionary tale for all alienated children. Thank you for sharing it.

    As Wee says, parental alienation is a worldwide epidemic affecting millions. We must continue raising awareness and educating parents, legal and mental health professionals so other families can avoid the pain described above.

    Sincerely,

    mike jeffries
    Author, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation
    http:/www.afamilysheartbreak.com

  4. A cautionary tale for all alienated children. Thank you for sharing it.

    We must continue raising awareness of parental alienation and educating parents, legal and mental health professionals so other families can avoid the pain described above.

    Sincerely,

    mike jeffries
    Author, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation
    http:/www.afamilysheartbreak.com

  5. It is not just your justice system in Singapore but it seems that it is an global epidemic and people from every nationality are suffering from the same fate…corrupt judges, officals and attorneys. Since 2008 we have had visitors to Keeping Families Connected by people from 133 countries around the world. We are working diligently to bring awareness and healing to those suffering from Parental Alienation both the children and parents. The task is daunting at times. The stories we hear could crush your soul.

    As targeted parents it is our job to heal from the abuse and learn to forgive the abusers. It is the only way that you can be freed from their abusive control and from the power they have over you. Someday your children will need you to help them pick up the pieces of their lives and they will need an emotionally healthy parent to help them. You need to become that parent.

    Thanks David for sharing your story.

  6. Beth says:

    From an early childhood educator stand point, the child in such battle must be protected, regardless which parent is right or which parent is wrong, or who has the custody of the child.

    If both parents really love the child, they should in the first place learn to keep the peace, or better still learn to cultivate mutual love and respect for each other, so that this child whom they claimed to love will have a happy family to grow up in. The saying is true, “Love the one you married, not just marry the one you loved.”

    Emotional/psychological abuse on a child (such as this), is worse than physical abuse, for it stays with the child for life.

    I hope that the two fighting adults will stop for awhile and consider for the child in the battle…. if you truly love your child.

  7. Step-mum says:

    I am now a step-mum and I feel for my step-kids alot. Which mother no matter what the issue is will always take the care and control of their kids but I know of many mothers who gave up that right to only blame the fathers. Many of these mothers then make it seem to the kids that they tried to gain all care and control but in vain. But that is really not true. In Spore court of law it is rarely that the father is given custody and the mothers who do this i.e throw the kids to the fathers is only cause they want to enjoy their life. Kids are definitely a joy but when they are in their teens and adults these days they can be a handful and most mothers who dont want that stress end up leavin the family in the fathers hands. SAD but TRUE. Hence David be happy you had your mum by your side. She is a great woman to have brought you up cause a child can survive without the father’s love but without their mother’s love its more difficult. I spit and look down on all the woman of Spore who do not fight in for the custody of their children and pretend that they had no choice!!!!!

    • Gilbert Goh says:

      Hi Step-mum,

      I have written an email to you regarding a online interview that we wish to do with you.

      Please see your mail box and let me know if you are keen.

      Thanks and take care.

      Gilbert Goh

  8. Andrew says:

    Hi,

    I am currently in a situation where my brother is being alienated from my father, and his two brothers (Including me) and we do not know how else we can help him other than push through the long tedious process of custody battles. His mother has poisoned him against us and we could really use some advice and guidance.

    Thanks

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