Support Site for The Unemployed & Underemployed
Friday January 25th 2019

Young Graduate Depressed Over Family Problem

Hi Gilbert

I am Janice (name changed), twenty two years old and a recent grad.

Chanced upon your article on theonlinecitizen and took up your offer of emailing you  for support.

This morning I got really distraught over my parents’ argument.

I know its normal for couples to argue and all that, but I really cant take it anymore when my home is not a regular comfortable environment to be in.

Furthermore, today is Saturday, which means I will have to spend the weekend  with both of them together.

I couldn’t take it anymore so I made an excuse about meeting my friend and left the house in tears.

From a third person’s view, both of them are in the wrong.

They say insensitive stuff to each other without realising how it affects the other person feelings.

They blame each other constantly when clearly both parties are in the wrong.

My dad even made a comment about how this was what it was like if one didn’t have the money to get a divorce.

I don’t think I’ve heard them talk about divorce before so I was pretty shakened by that statement.

I guess that’s what made me started crying in the first place…

Gosh. Even typing this in Tampines library is making me tearing up.

I guess people will be wondering – hey it’s only an argument, why get so worked up!? Truth is…I find my emotions very unstable these days.

Small things amount to major shifts in my emotions.

To be honest, I go to a psychiatrist every month because of an eating disorder.

So to begin with, I’m already screwed up in the head. An unhappy home environment only serves to exacerbate the depression I face every day.

I dont know what else to do.

I’m dreading having to face them later.

After all, I can’t pretend to be out with my friends the entire day.

Usually, on better days, my weekends are spent out with them. At times like this however, I’d do anything to get out of their paths.

As unfair as it is, I can’t help hating the shit out of them.

They hate each other so much I wish I could do something drastic to myself.

They each tell me they love me, but in my head I’m thinking: “What for?”

I don’t care. It doesnt make me feel any better.

You don’t love each other. I dont FFFFing care if each of you love me individually when you are constantly tearing at each other.

I wish I could be more emotionally detached. Before I left the house, I really felt like saying something nasty like – I hope I get run down by a lorry later.

But it will probably only make their moods more foul. So I kept my trap shut.

I still wish it would happen though. Thanks for reading this long email, Gilbert.

Regds,

Janice

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Hi Janice,

Thanks for your mail. Reading your current plight  has made me emotional.

 I empathsized with your situation as I too came from a family that has two warring parents.

 They didn’t divorce but it was not an ideal family setting for kids to grow up in. My dad had since moved on and mum is already 79 years old.

 I survived but  there were prolonged  periods of misery and suffering growing up in such dysfunctional familial setting. I also suffered from low self esteem for a long time.

 Religion helps me alot to cope with such a negative home  environment. If you have a religion, do seek solace from your God – its really comforting.

 You did the right thing by finding support for your situation.

 For example, writing this email to me is already a kind of release for you and hopefully you will continue to correspond with me so that you can find support from writing.

 Do start a private blog for yourself and  pour your emotions out through writing. It’s a good release for those pent-up tortured emotions.

 If you need  a voluntary counsellor do let me know so that  I can arrange one for you. All our services are free of charge.

 I also commend you on visiting a psychatrist so that you can have the right medication for your physical and mental health.

 Do you also have a regular exercise programme? Regardless of what happens to your parents, you need to focus on taking care of your personal health.

 You can’t really control how your parents react to one another but you can better manage your own physical and emotional health to cope with the negative feelings.

 Personally, I jog thrice a week and take part in marathons and other sports events.

 Exercise not only helps me keep fit and because of the release of feel-good endorphines, it also   makes me feel on top of the world despite whatever problems I face in my life.

 Exercising has now become one of my top to-do list for the week.

 Do  read up motivational books and surround yourself with people who are positive.  When you feel good and have alot of positive vibes, you will be able to better manage your reaction to adversity.

 We can’t really change our natural environment, but we sure can change our response and reaction. It’s a glass-half-full attitude that we need to cultivate so that we can live a overcomer life.

 I hope that I have passed on some useful tips for you to cope with your family issue.

 Lastly, can I post your mail on my website so that other readers facing similar plight can draw encouragement from your mail? I will leave out your name of course to protect your identity.

 Take care and don’t give up.

 Keep in touch.

 Regds,

Gilbert

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2 Responses to “Young Graduate Depressed Over Family Problem”

  1. Shafie says:

    To Janice,

    If you are able, talk to someone who can listen, it will greatly ease your mind, even though it may not immediately solve your issues. Keeping it bottled up all inside is not good mentally and health-wise.

    I find writing down our thoughts can be therapeutic too, and we are able to see things a bit clearer when we put our thoughts to words.

    Gilbert is right, we may not be able to change the circumstances that revolves around us, but we can change our reaction/response to the circumstances.

    We cannot allow ourselves to be too emotionally affected as it will only drag us down and makes us feel more depressed. The only person that can help us is ourselves.

    I wish you well and hope for the best.

  2. [...] this poem now — oh, how I enjoy being unemployed [...]

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