Support Site for The Unemployed & Underemployed
Thursday January 24th 2019

Reader’s Mail: My life after divorce

 

Readers’  Mail: My life after divorce

Hi Gilbert,

 It has been 10  months since I ended my marriage of 27 years last August 2009.  Life has been wonderful  after I made the decision.

 It took me one year of painful deliberation before I made the final decision to leave my husband.  Without financial, emotional and physical support from your spouse and  the burden of 4 children to care for, the strain was not easy to bear.  There were also plenty of tears along the way.

I broke down in Dec 2008 when I left home for 2 nights, just to sort things over.  We also went through 2 rounds of counseling all to no avail.  That’s when I decide that something has to break… 

 There are  different  reactions that I got from my loved ones when I informed them of my decision to divorce.

¬†The reaction from my ‚Äúin-laws‚ÄĚ is naturally hostile.¬† I am barred from all family gatherings from his side.¬† Nonetheless, my 2 sister-in-laws (ex-brother-in-laws‚Äô wives) are still in touch with me.¬† Occasionally, we will go for meals and catch-up on what is happening.

 My own family has been very supportive, especially my children.  They are sensitive kids and I really want to thank them for helping me through this difficult period.  My stand is that ex is still their father and he is welcome to join any family functions where the children are involved.  Other than my children’s birthdays and mine, he has avoided other functions involving my other family members.

 For my mum, accepting the separation initially was a pain to her.  She has since accepted the fact and seeing me cheerful again was a consolation to her.   My own siblings had been supportive in their silent ways, respecting my decision.

 For the past one year, close friends who knew about my relationship challenge have been giving me moral support.  I really appreciate the time they had taken to accommodate me when I was down.

 I have chosen to be forward looking in how I live my life after my divorce. And what have I been doing these past 6 months . . .

1. I was involved in the Parenting Conference held on 23 Jan 2010 where preparation started way back in Sep 2009.  The event was supported by two government bodies.  We had more than 10 sponsors and the team of 7 really worked our heart out.

2. In Nov 2009, I was offered a job in a bookstore and started worked in Dec 2009.  After 2 months’ probation, my boss confirmed my appointment.  This is the third month and I am still negotiating for more pay to compensate for the amount of time I spend in the company.  Very positive environment and I kind of like it.

3. In Dec 2009, I took on the role of  co-ordinator with a secondary school.  Something new to me but I am one person who enjoy learning new things.

 Life is short and I still look on to every day as a new day to enjoy and embrace.  Every one has a choice, how they want to live their life is entirely their decision and I am glad that I have  chosen my own pathway.  The years ahead may get lonelier when my children start they own families.  Well, who knows . . . I may find a second Mr Right.  Ha ha . . .

Gilbert:-  Readers who have  stories to share about their own divorces can email me at gilbert@steadymarriages.com or goh_gilbert@yahoo.com.  The website www.steadymarriages.com is newly set up less than 6 months ago to support those who are divorced or single parents.  Thanks.

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6 Responses to “Reader’s Mail: My life after divorce”

  1. Kudos to you for not harboring ill-will towards your ex. He’s still the father of your four children.

    you must be in shock

  2. Millie Wood says:

    i recently got divorced from my russian wife because she is a very irresponsible woman.,;’

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