Positive Thinking For The Recently Jobless – Reading Helps
Written By: Gilbert Goh
It is so important to stay positive and on top of the situation when you are being laid off. Again, this is easier say than done. When one is jobless, negativity tends to flood the mind of the person. It is not surprising that the unemployed are often depressed and pessimistic. For those who are recently laid off or just graduated, staying positive is paramount to landing the next job as your body language will betray your emotional thermometer during an interview. Research has shown that how you think will affect how you act out physically. So do guard what goes into your mind daily.
As unemployment has no fixed time frame and light is often unseen in the long dark tunnel, desperation and panic will set in after a month or two of quiet relaxation at home. There is always the fear of the unknown for the unemployed – when will it end for me? Unfortunately, for the jobless, there is no knowing how long one will stay unemployed – it could be one month, one year or even two years. This is what I think will break the strongest camel’s back. It is like a slow tissue-eating cancerous virus that keeps nipping at one’s confidence and faith.
Personal Struggles
I have to battle an extremely difficult situation at home when my wife could immediately found work after returning abroad in 2001. It is tough to pass the day alone at home when my wife woke up daily in the morning and go for work in her corporate suit. It made me felt lousy and useless. Much of my whatever left-over ego is crushed and esteem thrashing at rock bottom. It took me a long time to get out of the ego trap and learnt to appreciate the fact that at least one person in the household is earning an income. It would be disastrous if both of us are jobless as we still have a private apartment mortgage to pay and a young daughter to raise.
The internal struggles within me are real and this unbalanced situation at home was by far the most difficult emotional battle for me during that period. There is the fear of losing respect and control at home which is so real for the Asian family man.
However one real positive outcome of the situation was that I humbled myself a lot and learned to treat my wife as an equal partner more than ever before. Many I know have lost their families as a result of not handling such delicate family dynamics well enough. It is alright for a woman to lose her job and stay at home for a year but not so for the man. He will be branded a failure and a loser for sure. The Asian man has attached too much of their self worth in the society by virtue of their work. When one loses his job, he loses not only the income but more importantly his life goal and self. This expectation to perform well at work stresses the modern man who will also feel that the world has collapsed on him when he loses his job. We are all trapped by this vicious cycle of performance.
Positive Effects Of Reading
Coming back to my story, it was only after six months of unemployment that I began to realize that much of my struggles are internal – it is more psychological than financial. Of course, having no money to pay bills and meet mortgage repayment is pretty stressful but nothing beats the emotional turmoil that rocked inside a man’s life. Unless he manages his emotion well enough he will face an uphill task to face up to his jobless state.
I began to read a lot motivational books to gear up my adversity quotient. As I am a good reader all along, this was an easy task. I read widely but fortunately, I am more into psychological and motivational books and this was a major plus for me when I tried to get out of the depressive rut.
Right after I woke up daily, I would pore over books such as “Tuesdays With Morris” or “The Monk who rides Ferrari” to stock up those feel-good mind waves. I must have read “Tuesdays With Morris” at least five times as I found the book inspiring and meaningful. I found the chapters refreshing every time I re read them again. It was like I was learning new truths from old chapters. Sometimes, the chapters so moved me that tears would gather.
I slowly crawled out of my dark cocoon for which I have taken refuge in for the past six months. I began to repeat positive statements to myself and learn to apply cognitive behaviour theory (CBT) which I learnt from psychology books. By thinking positively and differently from my usual negative thoughts, I realized that how I think often dictates how I approach my problem. Of course, it is easier say than done and there are occasional lapses back to a period of depression. But such negative feelings never lasted more than a week as my reading habit will jolt me out of the depressed mood. This reading habit was one of the main factors that gradually helped me overcame my depression. To this day, I still read regularly without fail often focusing on motivational material. I want to fill my mind with positive words than those negative newspaper reporting.
Another area that I focused on to fill my mind with positive language is reading up motivational websites. In this world of internet age, many of the materials can be downloaded from the web free of charge. I was told that in future, they will not print any more books but one can just go to the web to read a book. It is called digital books. How cool!
Motivational Websites
Several websites which I often go to for free positive materials are:
1. Beliefnet website – www.beliefnet.com – this web has a lot of motivational material and is like a huge resource center. I read a lot of their articles and there is a daily inspiration story that will be emailed to me so I just need to click on the link to read the story. Articles such as “How to Stay Sober When down” and “Finding relief when you are feeling painful” can be downloaded from the site. A must read website if you are down.
2. Food for thought website – www.foodforthought.com – this is another must-have website for inspirational reading. Every day, a whole story will be emailed to me for my reading pleasure. The stories are both encouraging and motivational and tend to perk one up.
3. Inspiration peak – www.inspirationpeak.com –
This is also another inspirational website and it has a daily story, poem, quote and idea so that you will feel psyched to live another day fruitfully after reading.
Recommended Books
There are a list of books that I have recommended here for inspirational reading and are available at most major bookstores. I must have read at least fifty books during that dark period and I have listed just ten of my best must-read books here to keep those negative thoughts away:
1. Tuesdays with Morrie (Author Mitch Albom)
This is my all-time favourite and contained a lot of truth and very good reflective writing. It is an account of a Detriot Free Press journalist recounting his weekly Tuesday meetings with his college professor Morrie Schwartz. I must have read it five times over different period of my life. I never failed to enjoy it every time I re-read it. Sure to perk one’s mood up whenever things are down. An easy read on the bus or MRT journey.
2. The Road Less Travelled (Author M Scott Peck)
The author is a psychiatrist and wrote on spiritual psychology often exposing his own life stories when he related certain truth. He also anonymously recounted his therapy practices with certain clients on the book. Dr Peck wrote frankly that life is difficult and we all struggled. The classic was sold over 6 million copies and translated into 20 languages.
3. Rich Dad Poor Dad (Author Robert T. Kiyosaki/Sharon L. Lechter)
This is an invaluable book advocating financial independence through investing. Certain investment principles are worth following and it provides hope that the average person can slowly achieve financial independence through certain well-experienced principles. It is more like a textbook so one needs patience to go through the thick book. Neverthless very motivational.
4. The 7 Habits if Highly Effective People (Author Stephen Covey)
Another classic that does not really need much introduction. It advocates personal and professional effectiveness and detailed seven ways to doing it. Readers are drawn to the step-by-step principles behind the huge success of this book. Personally, I have kept this more like a reference book and would pore over certain principles from time to time. As it is also rather thick, one needs at least a few weeks to finish it but definitely worth the time and effort.
5. The power of positive thinking (Author Norman Vincent Peale)
Another big classic that never fails to inspire which I must have read at least thrice. There are a lot of truths in this book and one does not have to follow the chapters in sequence but can be read in an adhoc manner as each chapter addresses certain issue. AS I like to read in the toilet I have kept this book nearby so that my mind is filled with positive words on a daily basis even when I am doing my business! A must-have book in this down time for the depressed. A cuppa of positive thinking is better than ten cups of caffein.
6. Psycho Cybernetics (Author Dr Maxwell Maltz)
The author, a psychologist, wrote that happiness and success are habits so are failure and misery. It advocated that negative habits can be changed by presenting positive attitude as means for change. This book opens my mind to the world of cognitive behavioural theory (CBT) – the ability to change one’s perception of our situation by adopting a different mindset. It is also written rather technically so only read it when you are clear headed and in the best of mental health. If you want to learn change your mindset to solve a problem that torments you, this is another must-read book for the long term.
7. Man’s search for meaning (Author Victor Frankl)
A book that never fails to inspire even after several re-read and one of my very best. It is also considered the most influential psychiatric literature since Freud. The author, a psychiatrist who survived Holocaust, was imprisoned in Auschwitz Austria and other concentration camps over 5 years. During that period, he struggled to find reason to live as human lives were widely discarded. He later developed the logotherapy theory whereby he argued that man’s deepest desire is to search for meaning and purpose for living. This book should be read first among the lot as it reinforced our value system in living despite the recession and downturn. If the author can go through five hellish years in concentration camps,how can we say that we can’t survive in our own difficulty?
8. Don’t sweat the small stuff – and it’s all in the small stuff (Author Richard Carlson)
A very motivational book that is easy to read. It has many chapters and each chapter deals with different issues. The book also provides a lot of tips on how to keep our emotions in check. The author uses his own life experiences to show how the advice works and realizes that it is not all just theory. Definitely perks you up when the chips are down any day and can be re-read over and over again without feeling stale.
9. Living the simple life (Author Elaine St James)
Another classic that I picked up when I was feeling burnt out many years back. The slogan of living simply must have struck many people at some point in their life. The author had a successful professional career in a property firm but later decided to move out for a more stress-free life in the countryside with her family. The whole book detailed how one can live simply in a very practical manner as she herself has successfully tried it. A book that I have read several times over without feeling bored.
10. What colour is your parachute (Author Dick Bolles)
This is almost like a job search manual for the job seekers. If you decide just to read only one book in your whole life, this is the one! It is hugely successful book with 8 million copies sold and was listed 288 times on the New York Times best seller list. It is not surprising that this book is so successful as it addresses many issues that affect the job seeker. From how to conduct oneself during interview to doing up a professional resume – this book addresses everything that concerns the job seeker. A must have book that provide a lot of tips and advices to land that job. There is also a website www.jobshunterbible.com founded by the author addressing all the issues pertaining to job hunting. Go check it out.
As there are many inspirational books out there, one just need to go to the internet to search for them and read one that interests you specifically. The important thing is to read them. If you do not have the reading habit, earnestly cultivate it by starting to read a book a month. As a book normally has around 150 pages, one needs to read 5 pages a day to finish a book in a month. Reading seriously will help you to tide over those difficult period as it not only uses up a lot of those spare free time but also provide you with positive inspirational input on a daily basis. If you conquer the mind you conquer everything.
Life is unchartered territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time. Leo Buscaglia
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- 7 Ways To Come out of Prolonged Unemployment
- 7 Major Traumas of Unemployment
- Should you grab any job that comes along?
- How To Maintain Family Harmony During Unemployment
- How To Tell Your Family When You Are Being Laid Off
- 7 Ways To Move Out Of Depression For The Unemployed
- Seven Industries To Consider After Retrenchment
- Employers Still Discriminating Against Older Workers
Assume that you will lose your job. Start looking around for books to read. Have a reading plan to cover xxx pages a day, to target at least two books a month. Even if you are fortunate enough to be still working, it will prepare you well.
The best way to approach unemployment is to look for other options. Know your skills and evaluate them, and if you feel you need to improve on them then take classes (yes, even when you’re still employed). Make sure you know what you can do and always think of that as an asset you can build on, so that even if you get laid off you have that confidence to know you can go out and find another job.
Of the self help books, I would recommend Napoleon Hill’s Laws of Success. Most other self help books are actually based on his principles.
Agreed Yi Chie.
I read that too and it was amazing.
mypaper today has a story saying that positive thinking may make one more depressed! i suppose anything done to extreme can wreak havoc.
Js
You got a point there.
We cant just depend on positive thinking but follow up with action too.
1. Believe in yourself.
2. Listen to others’ advice but not blindy and copy wholesale.
3. Try whatever comes to mind. You never know until you try. Even if it’s mostly always true, you won’t be faulted if you don’t try. But this is a warped mentality.
Thanks Gilbert for sharing your personal struggles so candidly. I am sure a lot of people will appreciate your honesty, as I did. I would add a book “Getting Things Done” by David Allen. It helped me organise how to do things and get more things done. I could use it immediately when I got back into employment. Other books that I would recommend can be found here.
A great and motivational read already by itself. Thanks Gilbert and all responders!