Dear Friends and Readers,
I have recently started a blogsite to support those who are divorced and single parents.
Strangely, the site was initially meant for the married people who face struggles in their relationship.
However, a few friends told me that there are already many such sites locally and ask me to instead start something for those who are divorced and separated.
For those who are recently divorced, the journey can be traumatic and lonely. Some may face suicidal tendencies too as it is a very emotional event.
Last year, I have the chance to walk through the divorce journey with three friends who happened to divorce within a three-month period of one another. One was married for five years, another for 9 years and the last the longest for well over 20 years. Two of them seemed happier after the divorce except for the third one who looked lost and desolate. Two of them have children. One wonders if the divorce will come earlier if there are no children in the equation. I know many couples hang on precariously to the marriage for the sake of the children. Once they have grown up, they will seek for a dissolution to their marriage.
Strangely, out of the three divorced couples, only one wanted a maintenance of $280 for the primary one son. The other two women did not ask for any maintenance support. Further enquiries reviewed that all three women are gamefully employed and seemed to do better economically than the men. Of the three men, two are jobless by virtue of their physical ailment: both are considered disabled. One contracted stroke few years ago and another was wheel-bound at least ten years ago becuase of an accident before his marriage. Two members of the three couples also have relationship outside of the marriage before the divorce ensuring that the issue is irreversible. It seems that couples do not take divorce lightly and may even try to work through the fragile relationship for a long while before finally throwing in the towel. Sadly, none of the three couples I know have the chance to sit through proper marital counselling when they encountered problems in their marriages.
Many who divorced I knew also lost the will to live when their families break up. They also often lose their homes and have to move back to live with their parents or worse rent a small HDB room on their own. Men seem to take divorce badly here as often the children are taken away from them to be in custody with the ex-wives. They also lose a sense of social anchoring that a family brings to a man’s life.
The new site will as usual contain articles to support the divorced and there will be an online counselling support avenue for those who need it. I think they need all the help that they can get. So far, only HELP (Help Every Lone Parent) FSC located in Ang Mo Kio is specialised in helping thsoe who are divorced. However, their services are more geared towards helping the single parents. They have counselling and support group services as well.
We also hope that with more participation here, a support group can be started for those who want to come out and meet one another caught in similar circumstances.
The blogsite is unaptly named www.steadymarriages.com.
Hope that you people will help me spread the word about this site so that we have readership as great as this transitiong site!
Lastly, I want to add that I am not advocating divorces here but sometimes things happen beyond our control.
There is still life after divorce for many out there. It does not have to be a life sentence.