The Star/Asia News Network

A year ago, I found out that he was having an affair. He confessed but blamed me for not having time for him and the family. We had a heart-to-heart talk and he promised to end it, and pleaded for forgiveness.

Over the months, he truly changed. He did not go out and treated me like in our courting days. He resumed all his financial responsibilities and even gave me RM700 ($288) monthly.

Initially, I could not even let him touch me, but due to his good conduct and my desire to patch things up, I gave in to his sexual needs. Then I found out he was still in contact with her. When confronted, he claimed it was strictly business.

I have moved to my parents’ house with my kids and am seriously considering divorce. I’m not convinced their affair has ended and feel totally cheated for the second time.

Second-time Cheated Wife

A: IT is always the worst mistake to move out if you still want to salvage love and marriage. Unless you want the other woman to fill your place, go home.

You had a good start and the marriage has been on the mend. Giving up now is such easy surrender. There are many divorces now because women are capable and financially independent. But if there is love and hope, why give up without a fight? Sure, the husband is wrong and deserves to be kicked out. But shouldn’t we, too, be held responsible for being too involved in career and our own needs?

Marriage after an affair will always be painful for it is fraught with suspicion and distrust. You will always be watching for signs that he is still cheating on you. But he had a relationship with this woman and feelings cannot be turned off at will. Perhaps she will not let him off so easily?

You are a smart woman. Did you truly expect the affair to end abruptly if it had been going on for awhile? Men are generally weak and indecisive when it comes to entanglements. When the other woman exerts some pressure, he will find it hard to deal with confrontation and tears.

So you need to spend effort and energy to ensure that your guy has no time and stamina for her. Some people will call you a fool for you have the resources to cut him out. But is he worth a part of your life?

There is no right or wrong when it comes to love. Quitting is easy but remember, we have responsibilities as partners and parents. Sometimes, we have to swallow our pride and pain so that we can have a complete, happy home for ourselves and our children.

Think of the future, and ask yourself if you want to start all over again. If the sacrifices and compromises are not too much to bear, can you fight on? If your husband is beyond redemption and love is empty and dead, then let divorce be the last sad resort.