Choking on wealth (Foodforthought)
CHOKING ON WEALTH
Contributed by Melodie Davis
December 27, 2009
We are not accustomed to thinking of wealth as a problem. Poverty,
yes, sure, it is a problem. But money solves problems, right? The
answer of course is “not necessarily. ” A new book titled Choking on
the Silver Spoon by Gary W. Buffone (Simplon Press) reminds us that
it is good for our children if they don’t have too much wealth handed
to them.
This is a column of honest sharing about a subject most of us prefer
to remain private about. By not talking about money, we miss out on
mutual accountability as well as practical ideas and insights from
others.
Actually, I have severe misgivings myself about writing too openly
about money: I don’t want to offend anyone, don’t want to appear
judgmental of others, and I’m apprehensive about revealing private
money decisions. But oftentimes it is only through gut level sharing
that we make progress in dealing with potential problems.
The other thing that gives me pause is that the things North Americans
think of as a necessity, others in the world view as an enormous
luxury.
The day I first read about the “Choking” book, I was hit by several
close-at-hand examples. My youngest (senior in high school) daughter’s
jaw dropped after she received two e-mails from two different girls
she had met at Girl’s State, (a mock-government type conference, an
experience paid for by a local civics club, perhaps I should add).
One girl was telling her what she got for Christmas: a brand new
Mercedes.
Then the second girl e-mailed that she had received a brand new
convertible BMW.
A quick search of the web reveals prices on those vehicles to be
something around $30-
50,000. That seems like a good example of “spoiling” your child in a
world where so many need so much. The next day my daughter told me,
“You know, I think I would be embarrassed to drive either of those
cars to school.”
Early this year, we got a car for my second daughter as an early
college graduation present even though she doesn’t graduate until next
year, because now is when she really “needs” it living in an off
campus apartment. But she says she’s almost embarrassed to tell her
friends what she got. (The car, by the way, is a used Dodge Stratus in
the $3,000 range, but I realize that even that modest price is way
beyond the reach of many families. Perhaps others also think this is
spoiling our child.)
While we believe in making our children work hard for what they get,
including paying 75 percent of their own college expenses, and
initially we thought we would just “loan” them money for a car when
they got out of college, we then decided rewarding them for successful
completion of four years of college with a $3,000 car was probably not
too extravagant in this day. (If the college junior doesn’t complete
college, she will need to repay part of the cost of the car!)
Again, I share these private family expenses and decisions so that we
don’t get caught on the runaway affluence train where it looks like
we’re depriving our kids if we don’t do things other parents are
“supposedly” doing.
The author of Choking on the Silver Spoon says we shouldn’t give our
kids more material comfort that they absolutely need. They will be
more ambitious if they have to work for some of what they get. We can
learn to say “no”-to set limits on what we give. Buffone says kids
need to learn the law of reciprocity – that there are results when we
put forth effort. He also challenges parents to practice what we
preach because kids learn most of all from our example.
Money itself, of course, is not the problem. Like the Good Book puts
it, “The love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). The
recent film trilogy based on Lord of the Rings also portrays this
masterfully. The “ring” can be symbolic for many kinds of power, but
as a symbol of the grip that money exerts on us, the image of Frodo
striving to escape its powerful lure is a useful picture to keep in
front of us as we teach our kids that it is not good for everything to
be handed to them.
Contributed by Melodie Davis: MelodieD@MennoMedia .org Melodie is the
author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column,
Another Way
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